I look forward to my daily Google Alerts. This morning I found this gem posted on an IVillage,com message board called “The Lipstick Lounge”
date:
“I’m a social introvert. It’s hard for me to be this way because I like people, I like interacting and sometimes I wonder why I don’t get my energy around them or can’t be like social extroverts who can go, go, go when they are around people. It took me a long time to realize I need my down time, and being fine alone and being happy alone isn’t a bad thing.
Because I don’t get my energy from other people doesn’t mean I can’t interact with them. Running is something that wears me down too (I’m not a runner, I don’t even get that ‘runner’s high’), but I still do it though I end up needing to rest afterwards. It’s kind of the same idea.”
I love how the writer demonstrates self acceptance. And she turns the myth about reclusive introverts on it’s head. Just give me some down time to recover, say the introverts.
Also – what a great analogy about the Push strategy of forcing yourself to run and then recouping. My guess is that the writer has developed socializing ease through her disciplined execution.
Thank you “Sparkle.Tangerine” for your well expressed wisdom.
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I am not sure how I feel about this. Easy for me to say as an adult, but isn’t the school bus a kind of learning lab for social interaction? We learn how to make conversations and talk to people different than ourselves. We even get some experience in fending off the mean girls and rough boys. And what about getting the real scoop about teachers and school policies, etc.??? All of these are skills that serve us well as we swing through the workplace. Continue reading the rest of this article...
7 Responses
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I agree with her – I can be social, and I need to regain some energy after those times. I love talking with interesting people, having lively discussions and so on. And then after that, I like to go somewhere quiet and recharge for a while.
I’ve noticed that if I am fully-charged and feeling good about myself, those social times are great. However, if I’m already worn down, then I do things to avoid being in social situations. It’s sort of a protective response.
Thanks Steve. I agree that stress can make connecting a chore. You are right….self -confidence affects how we show up.
This is a important point that every spouse/significant other of an introvert should know. It doesn’t make us a bad person if we want to be alone for a while, it’s how we get to be at our best.
I know what you mean and i hate it. I can be very social and then without knowing get really tired, brain feels like its full and I become dull.
Im in my 4th year university class. Im handsome and good looking I appear to be extroverted in class. Because I love to participate and I am fairly popular. Somtimes in my last class. people may talk to me, and they will think i am bored of them or i try to aviod them because I appear to be far less enthusiastic.
I guess i should do what some of you guys mention… take some time alone for maybe every few hours? or so. whatever it is it should be timed… otherwise i will forget.
I completely agree with this. I am socially comfortable, I enjoy and have excelled in public speaking, and I appreciate getting in a group of others over coffee and having intellectual conversation.
I suck at small talk, and whenever I get home from spending an hour grocery shopping with my wife, I practically have to lock myself in my office for a half hour just to get my head straight again.
It boggles the mind.
Jace’s comment implies that he is just a passive listener to his wife’s “small talk” and that is a painful process. I can understand this, but why not introduce topics that interest you into the conversation and get your wife’s thinking on such matters?
Easier said than done, but I’m guessing that Jace’s wife loves him and respects him, and speaks “small talk” as a way of staying connected and showing it. To then respond by trying to get away – what message does this send?
Just my opinion.
Ah, I’m sorry, let me better explain myself. I was making two seperate statements.
My small talk comment referring to small talk in general. If I am giving a lecture or engaging in philisophical discourse I have no problem bantering or going back and forth. In general, when it comes to small talk and casual chatting with any sort of people after a while I start realizing that at a social level I have very little to contribute to the conversation without a sepcific agenda or goal.
My small talk comment wasnt in reference to my wife. Though I do not actively seek small talk very often, I recognize the importance it has in a relationship, especially since my wife finds value in quality time. I was simply mentioning when I go to the store with my wife, many times I find myself stepping away for a little bit once we get home to gather myself mostly because of the active interaction with a myriad of people. It simply drains me to be amongst that many people in a casual environment.
I don’t disagree with your comment though vandolina, I agree that small talk within a marriage is vital, especially when you’re married to an extrovert (as I think many introverts are).