I usually like the advice that John Rosemond, a parenting expert, gives in his columns. However I agree with Yuri, an introverted professional who wrote to critique a recent column in which Rosemond offered advice to a worried mother of a 4 year old twin. She said,
“My 4-year-old son is not fully engaged when he has a friend over for a play date. His twin sister makes friends easily and the difference between them is glaring. When I arrange a play date for him, he is excited but then, after the friend arrives, he gradually slips off to play by himself. Afterwards, he will tell me he really didn’t have a good time. Do you have any suggestions as to how I can help him become more social? I don’t want him to become a loner.”
Rosemond gave some advice about encouraging the boy to socialize in small doses and wisely told the mother to relax. However his ending statement was not received well by Yuri. Here is what he said,
“….. Introversion isn’t life-threatening. Furthermore, most child-introverts are no longer introverts by the time they’re in their thirties.”
This implies, Yuri wrote, that there is something wrong with people who are naturally introverted. He told me that getting that message early on is a difficult barrier to overcome. And what evidence, he asks, does Rosemond have that introverts are no longer introverts in their 30’s! Quite the contrary. All the evidence points to at least 50% of the population being introverted.
It is interesting that society’s message to socialize and connect starts at a very early age. No wonder, introverted pros have a hard time playing to their temperament in our organizations. The message in our cultures is that it isn’t cool to play alone.
Tags: Myers-Briggs
I would guess that millions of dollars have been spent this past year on time management books and training programs. We all seem to want to know the answer to managing the chaos around us. Continue reading the rest of this article...
“Much of my work as a virtual assistant involves social media these
days. Initially, this was much easier for me to handle as an
(extreme) introvert. Strangely enough, I find that as friend counts
climb and the volume of online communication grows, I react with the
same sense of overwhelm, stress and exhaustion as I do to live or
phone communications. Have you heard this from others?”, she asks. Continue reading the rest of this article...
5 Responses
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Introversion is definitely something you don’t grow out of. Personally I have benefited from learning more about it and embracing it rather then fighting it.
Thanks Nick…You share this view with many introverts. There still seems to be belief out there, however, that Introversion is not a desirable personality. This spills over into the organizations I deal with..your thoughts?
I think that’s terrible that John Rosemond said that about introversion. (I usually like his advice too). Can you imagine how flawed that child will feel when his mom keeps measuring and comparing and worrying as he doesn’t “grow out of” his introversion?
I agree with you and Nick totally – I enjoy being an introvert, enjoy it very much. Learning that I am one, and that that is *why* I have certain preferences, was the key. Now that I know that I can consciously do what I need to do at work in order to let the company know I’m here and I’m productive.
There is definitely that belief out there and it would be a daunting task to try and change. Wasting valuable energy trying to change others is a loosing battle. I choose to focus my energy on embracing my DNA and being the best that I can be.
In my view, the only way to have true sustainable success, either business or personal, is to remain true to ourselves. Any business that views introverts as undesirable employees suffers from bad leadership. If they fail to address their flawed views, then they are probably destined for the BK line anyways.
For me, the best advisor is to behave in a way that makes me feel comfortable, that fulfills me. Being an introvert doesn’t imply I am a loner, but I have a harder time finding people I communicate well with. The mother could change playmate for her son until finding one he enjoys being with.
Forcing an introvert to behave in a way that is culturally considered best (i.e. extroverted) will most probably lead that person to unhappiness. However, we may feel the need to communicate while lacking the social skills to be able to, which also leads to unhappiness. Our needs should lead us toward a personal growth which will provide us more satisfaction in our everyday life.
As for introversion as a non desirable personality, it comes to me that companies may fear that communication will be a weak factor with an introverted person. That things will not be well communicated through the company, that an introverted person will not communicate well their ideas, or that they will not help in improving communication within a group of people.