I have been hearing the cry of “enough already” from Introverts. Here is a well expressed example from an introverted virtual assistant.

“Much of my work as a virtual assistant involves social media these days. Initially, this was much easier for me to handle as an (extreme) introvert.  Strangely enough, I find that as friend counts climb and the volume of online communication grows, I react with the same sense of overwhelm, stress and exhaustion as I do to live or phone communications. Have you heard this from others?”, she asks.

I spoke with a social networking guru recently who told me the trend is moving away from massive social networks with random friends and towards more selective managable lists of contacts. He pointed me towards FourSquare, a cool application that lets you share places and updates with friends. This may be one answer for introverts (and extroverts alike) who want to get a handle on more meaningful connections.

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Read the rest of my Friday WSJ guest column here: How To Manage An Introvert and let me know if you have other management tips for getting the best out of the innies on your team.

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(click here for more)

http://blog.pdus2go.com/2010/04/30/embrace-solitude/

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A few excerpts with my comments in italics:

Q. What’s it like to work with you day to day? Do you do a lot of all-hands meetings?

A. I’m more low-key. I do walk around. I’m introverted by nature, so I’m not somebody who’s holding sort of big rah-rah meetings. I love the idea of having a big bell outside my office that we can ring when we get a big donation, but it’s just not me. But I do spend time talking with people. She knows herself and what works for her. Connecting one on one works well for introverted leaders.

Q. A lot of managers are introverted, yet they’re expected to be extroverted in leadership roles. What’s your advice for them?

A. Find what fits for you. My predecessor here ran fantastic all-staff meetings every month that were just jaw-droppingly good. She was just so magnetic. I realized pretty quickly that wasn’t a mantle I should try to shoulder. Again, doing it her way, not trying to be someone else.

Q. What’s your best advice to people who are becoming managers for the first time?

A. It’s important that you communicate clearly with people who are going to be reporting to you, that you be as open as possible about who you are, what they should know about you, what they should understand about you, and how you like to operate. Discussing your style is great. Modeling this openness probably helps her team be more open about their preferences. And they know how to approach her.

I remember learning that very early on in my own career — having to sit and think about what I needed to let people know about me. I even said to people that I’ve been told that I look angry a lot of the time, and I’m usually not. It’s just my face, so just don’t be put off by that. Confirms what introverts tell me. People paint all sorts of feelings and attitudes that aren’t there – sadness, depression, etc,  Many female introverts say they are told they are “snobby and stuck up.”

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Fast forward a bit. I am sitting with Sam, a new executive coaching client. A bright, ivy league introverted guy who is managing people for the first time. He shares some feedback about being seen as too intense and intimidating.

I asked him to breathe. Sam squirmed in his chair but consciously took in air and let it out. I asked him to do it more slowly, more deliberately. We even breathed a few breaths at the same time. I encouraged Sam to check in with himself. “How do you feel?”, I asked. “Calmer,” he replied.

That is usually what happens when we conciously take in a breath. Since I smirked about my breathing book gift, I have gotten into yoga. The practice of yoga is all about integrating breathing with movement and quieting the mind. It works. Breathing helps us to focus on the moment we are in – in my book I refer to Presence…being where your feet are. When you are aware of your breathing it is impossible to be nervous or to be revved up.

What else does breathing do? The effect rubs off on the people around you. You are seen as in control and not frantic (even though you might be feeling somewhat like that).

Sam left my office with a tool to try on at work.  He is just tapping into a natural  resource that is free and always readily available. Try it and see the results – a calmer, more focused  you.

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Blogger Breanne Potter, formerly of the MBTI Blog and now of assessmentbuzz.com told me about the proposed  APA (that’s Psychiatric)  definition of introversion for the new DSM. It really is, as she says, taking the concept of introversion backwards.

According to their proposed definition introversion means “withdrawal from other people, ranging from intimate relationships to the world at large; restricted affective experience and expression; limited hedonic capacity.” That is just the beginning.

Now to be fair, most psychiatric definitions seem a little strong but this really does paint introversion as pathological.

Read Breanne’s excellent take on how the APA is moving backwards by seeing Introversion as a personality disorder. And, if you feel strongly about it, let the APA know. I expressed my opinion on their website and they acknowledged my input.  They are taking comments on this new version of the DSM.  You just have to register to comment.  Let the psychiatrists know what you think! Introversion is not a problem to be solved.

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Clapton took us through a journey of his music through the decades. He was very different from the opening act, Roger Daltry (clearly the extrovert ). He never introduced the songs (we all knew them anyway) and only spoke softly to name the band members after their solos.

He didn’t put on foolish grins or try to win us over. He simply was himself, a gifted musican, clearly in his own world.  He let his talent speak, or rather play, for itself.

Clapton grew up an introvert. He spent many hours alone with his guitar dealing with a rough childhood,  honing his gift.  Later on he battled alcohol and drugs. None of that mattered last night. The man and his guitar shined with a quiet grace. I am so grateful I was there to witness it.

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As a proud introvert, Sheri relates to the great blue heron. This bird will stalk prey slowly and deliberately. They are solitary or small-group foragers. While the geese are loudly squawking, or doing what geese do, she thinks about the blue heron and it gives her a sense of peace.

I mentioned this in my recent newsletter and received some interesting reactions. Here is sampling:

From Bob Cady: ” Read your newsletter and enjoyed your jottings. Keep it up. The Blue Heron story reminds me that each of us believes in the stories that feature US. Isn’t it the truth. The eagle is shaking its head about that slow old bird. No wonder he’s so thin. Doesn’t eat much…the ‘tortoise and the hare’ is supposed to be a fable about sticking to it and relentless pursuit of goals. The Intros love the tortoise. We are supposed to reject the hare because it is reckless and thoughtless. However, each has its good and bad points, as we all do. That Blue Heron…..is just doing its thing. The extroverted, fast acting eagle also has a nature….The Heron is not, after all  the symbol of our country. In most of the stories you read, the character that is the quiet, introverted, slow, low voiced speaker when the President needs someone to solve the world crisis, is the one chosen to lead the exercise….”

From Kathy Greider: “Thanks for the great blue story — made me think about when I worked in an office. I always surrounded myself with as much nature as possible (plants, sea shells, round beach stones and lots of photos)  when I was upset I would find myself rubbing the shells and stones to calm down.  It always worked — and still does….Thanks for sharing this — maybe it will help others.”

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After lots of emails, and several stops and starts, they arrived at my home office  to film me on Saturday.  I was asked all about what  strengths introverts have, why some leaders are considered introverts and what managers can do to bring out introverts.

Laurie Nichols, non-profit consultant extroadinare, participated in an exec coaching session with me as the film crew documented our dialogue. We had a few “lost in translation” moments, but for the most part, Jinwoo, our interpretor and asst. producer did great. Even introvert husband Bill got into the act as the crew wanted to see how I’s and E’s live together. They also interviewed Kim Bui, Exec Producer at CNN, who has such respect as a calm, level headed manager in the company.

I love the universality of the introverted leadership theme. Language is no barrier when we strive to deepen our understanding of temperaments.

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